Short Update...

Just a few thoughts. Generally, session four completed well. I find myself still tiring easily. It is a day seven, and that's longer than recovery has taken in previous adventures.

On the other hand, I was able to handle a very busy weekend. The highlights included participating on Friday night in "Aggie Muster." This traditional gathering of A&M alums salutes those Aggies who have passed on during the preceding 12 months. Though my emotions seem to run the gamut these days, and may be the most visible outcome of the treatments, I was able to enjoy and support the company of Uncle Paul's dear friend Chuck.

So I'm doing ok, though I'm anxious about how the summer will feel with this lingering fatigue...if it gets worse I'll need to look at curtailing activities, which I don't like. But if it is sporadic, I can look at activities to slow down...rather than remove...from life's busy schedule.

Moving along...

No big news to report this time around. People are so nice to check in, and see how things are going. Pump came off this morning, with no real issues to report when I visited with the nice nurse.

I've worked hard to manage rest this afternoon and yesterday, so as to avoid the crash that happened last time around. It just gets so difficult drinking water that is tasteless, at room tempurature, glass after glass. Oddly enough, I've also learned that I must really clench my teeth overnight when I'm on the pump, because I awaken each morning with really sore molars and jaw. Today, it even stretched up to my temples...

It would be more interesting if I had additional information to report, but this session was fairly straightforward. The best news is that I'm scheduled out for the next four, and the four after that will be the last. So I just need to manage around the next eight weeks, and then we'll be in the home stretch...or the Pennant Race as we baseball fans like to think of it. For you Oregonians, that's the time of year when people all over the country think daily of their teams, their chances for the play-offs and the excitement of each and every run scored. Hoping the other teams take a dive, and that our fan favorite busts a big run on the schedule to win 12 of 14 or something.

As opposed to the 'Blazers, and their penchant for fizzling at the end....

Woof, Woof...

Today began session number four. The “Dog Days” of chemotherapy. Matches baseball season in July and August. None of the excitement or curiosity of opening day, no pennant race to count on. Just sitting and letting these really expensive poisons run into my system. But I’m a very lucky boy…

Yesterday, there were a list of goofs that resulted in my having to change a couple of appointments for work and see Dr. Chang. Without his approval, I wouldn’t have been able to schedule the next four sessions, and he doesn’t work on Tuesdays…my normal “day one” this week. So I visited with him (see below) and got the approval for the next four sessions. While I was in, a darling little ten-year-old girl came in with her mom for her infusion session. Nothing that I’m doing, given the stress involved in days four and five, matches the courage of a child going through the same kind of crap I’m going through. Made me tear up for much of the afternoon as I ran around in the car and thought about it.

Today, there sits near me…for her first session of Folfax, another youngster. Probably 14-16 years old. She had surgery at Salem Hospital, and 14 months of chemotherapy there. She’s here, with Northwest Cancer, for another series of 8 sessions because that didn’t fully do the job. Of course no one asked her how come, and yet listening to her say “yes, I’ve done that before” or “gee, that’s a little different than I had to do last time” made my heart ache. When they instructed her on the fanny pack, she broke into tears because she remembered how the kids at school asked her so many questions last time and teased her. Brutal punks. Better not happen when I'm around.

Made me teary too, just like typing this does. There are two pieces to those stories that I’ll never grasp…how a child can have the courage to do this stuff…and remain normal, healthy and positive. And how lucky we are as parents, not to have to sit in one of these Opium Dens with any of our children while we watch the stuff flow into the ones we love the most. I’m not sure how I’d handle the news of a diagnosis like these parents & kids have heard. Going through it myself is much easier than listening to how a loved one would get to endure this challenge.

So how about the doctor visit? Dr. Chang was curious and supportive. He thinks I look better than I should, and asked a bunch of questions about how things were going. I was pleased to report that the warm water in the thermos bottle seemed to help the clenching pain last time around. He checked down the physical side effects list, and then asked “how are the emotional effects impacting you?” I told him I was incredibly impatient with those who seem to be wasting my time, and that I was making sure not to go nuts when people disappoint me. He asked, “is this not normal?” which of course made me laugh because it probably is closer to normal than abnormal. I told him that it was different than normal, because I generally can put the soften or hide my response, and not go off on people who let me down. I kept thinking, “gee, Nate would love this. He knows how difficult it is for me to suffer foolishness.”

It comes from two places. First, the drugs are making me more emotional and keyed up than usual. At the same time, some tasks and requests that seemed so important once upon a time now seem trivial. My response is “gee, I only have so much time in my week right now, and you want me to do THAT?” “Are you crazy, I have bigger fish to fry in my life and my work.” So my impatience if compounded with emotions that result from the situation in which I find myself. But never, ever, will I think that this is as hard as I thought last week…when I hadn’t really seen young kids in similar situations.

Me??? I got to hit golf balls in warm weather tonight even though I have the pump on. My employer let me sleep in the afternoon rather than drive down to Salem. I have a supportive team of people across the country that lift my spirits in different ways every day. From all corners of my life, whether my terrific kids just check in from time to time, people send email from my Masters' classes, Fubarians call or write that I've known since I was seven or eight--clients that I may have only known a year or two, and of course all the family and loved ones near Portland. I'm reminded that although I may be doing this, I don't really feel like a patient. A teenager with fourteen months who has to come back...she's the courageous one.

More when I get the pump off...but so far Session Four is not too bad.

Thanks....Phil!

I'm learning that days four and five are actually the most trying. Focused efforts at recovering from all the chemicals running through my system, and cleansing, take a lot of energy. Sleeping takes a lot of time. Although I've been known for my naps, they generally haven't lasted the 2-3 hours that chemotherapy naps require on days four and five. By the time I get to day six, I can tell that my body is regenerating itself and back on the road to recovery. Days one and two seem easy compared to the 4-5 combination.

Thanks to Phil Mickelson for making the weekend so enjoyable. Dozing between shots, I was able to watch a LOT of the Masters on Saturday, then loved the morning round on Sunday. Later, Jon Egge was nice enough to offer up his Metolius cabin since I was too far from home to catch the heart of the tournament, and too tired to sit in a sports bar somewhere drinking 7-Up. We come to learn how thoughtful people can be, and how little things like sitting in someone's living room for three hours can make such an amazing difference in our health. I was able to rest, catch the important segment of the final round, and still get back home at a decent hour from Bend.

Catch me in ten days, during the "round four" recap. For now, I'll have a nice, solid work-week, and continue to improve from round three. Next stop, flipping hotcakes for the Rotary Pancake Breakfast on Saturday, a tradition like no other....

Uneventful Session...one fourth complete!

Today is day three of session three. The pump comes off at nine am., the last step in an unremarkable session. I experienced more of that clutching pain overnight on day one, and commented about it to both doc and nurse. They were a bit confused by the symptom, but we think it may be the temps at which I keep the house this time of year.

I'm warm enough under the covers, though the air temp may cause reaction to cold when I'm asleep and breathing deeply. So last night, I prepared in advance. Fairly warm water in a Thermos bottle, in case one of the pain periods approached. I had that happen, and put on the full-court press. Standing and walking about, drinking about 16 oz. of water, and breathing the warm air from a heater duct. Oddly enough, it also helped to breath in the steam from the thermos. Rather than increasing from its original state, the pain turned around and retreated. Let's hope that turns the trick for the future. Easy enough to accomplish--and as the weather continues to warm the difference between air temp and "under the covers" will diminish.

And it isn't like my home is freezing. The thermostat is set at 68 overnight, the bedrooms are a little warmer. So this sensitivity to cold is tempermental. Last night mowing the lawn, I could feel a "bout" of the pain coming on, and it was about 61 degrees outside. All this reflects the cumulative affect this is having on my body. For the first session, only my right fingers were impacted. For the second, both sets of palms and fingers noticed the difference when contacted by cold. This time, my lungs and other skin "touch" is affected.

If that's as bad as it gets, with ever-increasing sensitivity, I'll be fine. Reports for today suggest 70 degrees here in Portland, so the spring weather will continue to help out. By the time session four rolls around, we may actually ENJOY some springtime.

In the meantime, I hope you're getting some springtime in your life. Let me know if there are questions or things I may not be covering. Blogging is a new world for me, and there is no point in writing/reading all this if I'm missing what you'd like to know. Aside from possible editorial comments after "Sunday at the Masters," I'm not scheduled again until April 18-19-20, so there won't be much to read between now and then.

(Oh...one more thing. Mickelson isn't the first guy to carry two drivers...When he starts hitting one of them off the deck, we'll begin to pay closer attention.)

...(whisper)..."The Masters"

It turns out that the OB/Gyn docs pay little attention to the PGA calendar. I'm off this weekend to talk malpractice with them at their annual convention, but should be able to fit some time with the VCR into the schedule.

OOOooops. That's right. Time for an update, not a comment on scheduling. Today was "day one" for session three. Uneventful thus far, I just thought I'd keep people posted on where things stood. I'll get the pump off on Friday morning before zipping over to Bend for the conference. If anything untoward takes place, I'll be sure and post another update. For now, I'm expecting a repeat of session two. I'm learning how to manage my activities and get more rest than I did with session one. I may not start bright, but I learn well.

Last week in Tucson for another conference that was quite good...then back to CA in time to catch Opening Day for the A's. Little presents that I'm giving myself are darn special. A new lawnmower, the housekeeping arrangement, and a day at the ballpark with Vickie before she heads off to college fit the bill and keep me from thinking too much about what is going on within my cell walls. Also reminds everyone that there is more to life than work and visits to the Opium Den...where we were treated today with a contest over "who knows the filthiest jokes?" Some of the guests who drove their patients went WAY over the top, even embarrassing me because of the mixed company. Gallows humor, perhaps? Too many St. Peter's, that's for sure.

Enjoy Augusta in the springtime!