Dad's Obituary and Shaye's Letter

Hello all,

First, I wanted to share the obituary that ran for Dad today in the Oregonian, West Linn Tidings, and Lompoc Record.  If you don't receive those publications and/or want to sign the online guest book, please view the online obituary here.

Secondly, before Dad passed away, he asked me to share the letter Shaye wrote to him with his blog readers.  If you haven't yet had the chance to meet Shaye, you'll remember that she is Judy's daughter and Connor and Caleb's mom.  I appreciate that Shaye took the time to describe how she sees Dad's legacy, and I know he was so proud to have occupied the various roles she describes in her letter.  So I'll leave it to her to share the impact Dad made on her life and those of her family members...

Liz


Dear Mark,
I have thought about this moment from the first time I learned your health was in jeopardy and knew that I would someday, if necessary, want to sit down and write you a letter to express to you my deepest feelings.  This is something that would be far better done in person, but for me would just be too difficult and knowing my forgetful brain would be absent of all the things I want to tell you.   


First and foremost I want to tell you….”Wow, what a fight you have fought!”  If there is ever a definition of a fighter…you have exceeded that and then some.  You have given this nasty disease, we know as cancer, a fight for its life and I still think you will be fighting until the end.  I can honestly say that I think this disease did not beat you and you did not ever let that creep into your mind but that your body is tired and that is just o.k.  There comes a time when we are all just tired.  We don’t give up, we just rest and this is just your time to rest.  It is time to put your mind at ease and rest.  Time to lay back; close your eyes, and just rest.  And while you rest, think about the legacy you have built. 

The LEGACY you have built….. WOW, is all I can say.  First, three well-adjusted and successful kids who are going to be just fine in this world.  You have instilled in them the finest of values.  You have taught them most importantly what good work ethic means and how this will help them succeed.  While you may have been a strict father, you showed them what that equates to as a parent and that is love.  You educated them, talked to them, challenged them, and most importantly loved them.  You should be such a proud father.  I am proud of the job you have done and that is reflected in the children you raised.


I think there is another legacy you built that I need to tell you about.  That is the legacy of “grandfather”.  I have to tell you that you will always be and were a far better grandfather than my own father.  While it is not a slight on my own father, it is just the facts.  You have been around Connor from the time he was 7 months old and were there the day Caleb was born.  You have been in these two boy’s lives their entire existence.  You have helped Eric and I raise these boys and mold them into the young men they are becoming.  The countless baseball and basketball games you have attended, the times throwing the baseball in the side yard, the Home Depot building trips with Caleb, trips to the zoo, pancake breakfasts, Easter egg hunts, leaf raking, cookie making, sleepovers, Mother’s Day brunches, golfing trips, Christmas lights and Santa brunches, family baseball games, festivals, and so much more.  These are memories my boys will have for their entire lives.  These are the memories we remember when we are older and pass on to our own children.  One in particular is the day you bought Connor his first baseball mitt.  We still remember that like it is yesterday and so will he.  Your trips to Home Depot with Caleb are so special to him.  He hangs his apron in his room proudly along with his projects lined up on his window sill.  The two of you shared such a special bond that Caleb has expressed to me many times over.  “I love Mark so much.”  “Mark is such a special person.”  “Mark is my buddy.”  So, thank you for filling a gap in my boys’ lives.  They love you so much but also understand that the memories they have of you are priceless.  Caleb has not taken off his new soccer jersey since he has been home and even slept in it last night.  Thank you for your countless hours throwing baseballs with them, teaching them, coaching them, and just talking to them.  Thank you for being a grandfather.


Next and most importantly thank you for the love you have given to my mother.  I think that one of the reasons this is so hard for me is because of the void you have filled in my mother’s life.  She has been happier in the last ten years than I have seen her in my whole life.  She has had so much fun with you and you have provided her with so much joy and laughter.  You have taken the burden of worrying about her off me and have provided me with such peace.  I always knew that wherever you two were, you were having fun and laughing.  You have allowed her to travel to places she has never been, experience things she would not do on her own, taught her how to have a sense of adventure, and challenged her to new levels.  While we both know she can be difficult, you two provided each other with the perfect balance.  I think you are the match made in heaven.  While I know you worry about my mother being alone I can assure you she has a great support system.  While she will have a void in her heart she will have fond memories in her mind.


Another legacy you have built in our home is one of “father”.  Both Eric and I view you as a father.  Eric loved coaching with you, playing golf with you, sitting around and sharing a good glass of wine or a beer with you just shooting the shit.  He loved being asked to take you to chemo because I think it was his time to feel needed and a time where he could relate to what you were going through.  He cherishes those conversations and holds them close to his heart.  I also want to say thank you for your role in my life.  I still remember the cocky, sarcastic man who started at Camp Fire.  You always took care of me like a father and even though your sarcastic ways would drive me crazy at times, it was a feeling of being safe in your presence. 


It is not often in our life that people tell us how great we are but I do need to tell you how wonderful you are.  I don’t think I have met a more kind, caring, involved, compassionate, educated, smart, and determined individual.  Your drive inspires me and your kind heart warms me.


So as you worry about all of us as you embark on your next journey…don’t.  You are leaving behind a LEGACY.  Because of the person you are you have allowed all of us the strength to move forward but most importantly the memories to remember and share.  Those memories will be passed on to generations to come.  Your LEGACY is strong in our household, the homes of all of your families and friends, my mother’s and your children’s.
Now, my friend, it is your time to rest easy and assured that we will all be alright because of YOU!


I love you so much!
Shaye