An Amazing Feeling....

It has been a month, and when I last wrote something I blogged about not being very patient. If anyone still reads this collection of nonsensical sentences, I actually have an excuse. The diagnostics weren't that great, and I've decided that the best thing I can do for my health, my family, my love of Judy and peace of mind is to stop working. I simply couldn't post that here until I'd told people at work and developed a "departure plan" from running an important office to not having much say over what goes on there. Or any, for that matter.

So now, it is out in the open. I'll tie up loose ends through April, and begin a medical leave of at least six months on the first of May. Perhaps something marvelous will happen to the lesions in my liver in those six months, but for now they continue to slowly percolate...going nowhere else, thank goodness, but not going away, either. As much as I enjoy the work I do and the people with whom I'm blessed to work....both internally and as clients, they don't rank very high on the priority list that starts with three + one adult children, two Little Leaguers, my "pseudo family" of the Shira's, and Judy. To say nothing of the Chambers clan in Lompoc, the Fubarians, or anyone else in my wide support group.

The Amazing Feeling, though, came over me after describing my plan to the other managers at our office. For my entire lifetime, I've wondered "is this the best way to spend my time right now" or tried to answer other questions. Like "how do we serve that customer best?" "What are we missing that we could improve?" "How do we steal that client from the competition?" The questions never stopped, but they'd go away for a little while as I teed up a ball on the golf course....my one relief from the "you gotta do better" rat-race I've always felt.

When I left the managers' meeting, the questions stopped. They'll get my very best for the remaining three weeks, and if I get better they'll have a place for me. For now, however, I think I'll sleep really well tonight, and not worry about what we should do to fight off the competition, or whether I should be studying something that will set my skills apart.

One HUGE sigh of relief, it came as a complete surprise. I think I'll have an absolute blast over the next three weeks, knowing that most problems belong to someone else, and that I can offer input but not remedies. It will be difficult explaining my health to some dear friends and clients, but no one has said, "what a dumb idea, what are you thinking?" I look forward to chatting with them all, and filling in people on my plans. Oh, and do we all have PLANS!!