Goodness!

This past week has been a bit of a struggle. Although I try to not talk about it much, or pester others, waiting for test results is nervewracking. Hard to ignore what might come out. And I've been doing all I can to avoid Farrah Fawcett news, because she's looked so awful lately...and every article suggests "metastasized to her liver" which isn't a neat phrase. I feel badly for her family, and try to simply avoid the news. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Then, things perk up a little, because Tuesday was the day to go get my results....

For now, it was the best report that could have been possible from my oncologist. After a really crappy conversation in October of 2007, and again last fall when we discovered more than a "surface lesion," Tuesday was the complete opposite. Dr. Chang said several things; those I wrote down included:

“I’ve referred six or seven patients with the same level of metastasis to Dr. Bauer, you have had the best response”

“Frankly, I’m surprised at the level of impact that those infusions have had…..”

“It isn’t all positive. There is always the chance that other cancerous cells have found their way to different organs, so we’ll schedule a PET scan to make sure it is as good as we think at this point.”

I asked him what he’d call this in his notes. (My work helps me understand how critical the patient file is to treatment planning, future recommendations, and diagnostic staging.) “Am I stable?” “Should I have concerns about anything in particular and change either my diet or my habits?”

“Mark, I think we’re fine to use the term ‘clinical remission’ to describe your current state, so that’s what my note will say.”

In case you’re looking for a medical definition:

Remission: A disappearance of a disease as a result of treatment. Complete remission means that all disease is gone. Partial remission means that the disease is significantly improved by treatment, but residual traces of the disease are still present.

I would think that I have residual traces, because they are visible on the scans. However, nothing is metabolically active, and cancer cells aren’t known to just sit there quietly. They are known for growing, at too rapid a pace, if anything scary is going on. My ‘residuals’ are lying quietly and not going anywhere, in fact still dying off. Hence the ‘clinical remission” definition. TCTFO!! We've gone from all square in this match, to at least "one up."

I'll close with a little secret. For more than three years, I've worn (and worn out) my little yellow 'LiveSTRONG' bracelet. When I'm actively undergoing treatment, the wording faces me. It serves as a reminder that there is always hope. It gives me strength, helps me through some of the tough mornings in the shower, because I put it back on and can read the lettering as it faces me.

When I'm not 'in treatment' I turn it the other direction. Shows my support for others, because one of the most amazing things I've learned on this Journey is that there are a LOT of us out there. People will share things over coffee, they'll tell me about their loved ones in email, they'll call and ask questions when they may have received a rotten diagnosis. I want all these other nice people to be able to read my wrist, for pehaps it will help with their personal journey.

Today, if I try to read it the bracelet is upside down...

Next time, perhaps another little secret. I'll be back east with Liz and Bill for their anniversary and our trip to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Last year's treatments pushed back their wedding present, but we may celebrate more than their second anniversary while we're together!!