Oh, really??

I’ve had a delightful summer. Great golf with good friends. Wine tasting that explores new "terroir." Connecting with people I haven’t seen in awhile. Sharing effort at work with a supportive team and challenging ourselves to make changes. Working hard when I'm working, yet remembering that we don’t have very long summers in Oregon . Getting my voice back. Has anyone else noticed that I'm a bit more contemplative than before, and where has this story been all summer?

I will be honest. It has been an incredibly difficult, emotional season for two reasons. I happened, through random chance, to be driving around one afternoon when Leroy Sievers was interviewed on National Public Radio by one of his best friends, Ted Koppel. “Hey,” said I, “this might help me understand what is going on emotionally.” “How perfect.”

Well, it turns out that Leroy’s diagnosis was initially much like mine. You’re welcome to check his blog at:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/mycancer/

But I can’t take it any more. Between the time I started this post on the weekend and tonight, he's passed away. Gut wrenching. Even though his attitude was great, and people across the country cheered him on. Some of them have similar dire circumstances; others are did their best to support his wife and good friends. They were all doing the right thing, I’m thinking, but I really didn't want to walk down this pathway with him…he had enough people helping him along.

And then, about the time I wised up and decided to stop reading that blog, I turned on the news and heard that Tony Snow had passed away. Not really expert at talking heads on cable news, “From what?” I wondered. So I checked the web….

“Snow had his colon removed and underwent six months of chemotherapy after he was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2005. In 2007 he announced his cancer had recurred and spread to his liver, and he had a malignant growth removed from his abdominal area.”

There go I but for the grace of God, my physicians, and that lovely drug called “erbitux.” I’m sure that Tony took some, for although we didn’t see him with pimples, we saw him lose his hair and fight the malignancies as they spread.

When I get up every morning with a little question mark in my mind, wondering what is going on inside of me, I don’t really need to be reminded of the bad stuff can happen. It is physically painful, and emotionally damaging, to read about others walking the same path as I and being battered about on their personal journeys.

I choose to look into the lions’ den on my own, with a positive, hopeful attitude. I know that each of these guys did the same. Their colleagues were impressed with their courage and bravery, an entire nation watched their travels. I know that their families, their buddies, and their co-workers faced gut-wrenching conversations and decisions, because I’ve watched each of you do the same. So I pray for all of them, and also all of you, because when we get the news over the next couple of days it may be difficult.

But I’ll leap over the edge of the cage, swoop up that little child, and hope for the best. Even if the news is not good. I’ll do my best to be honest with everyone, to share as I have before, and yet also reach out to the people I love the most and let you know that I’ll be ok. The hardest part for us all, unfortunately, is now that I’ve joined this metastatic club, we’ll be living our lives in 90 day increments, waiting for the next PET scan. I’m confident this week will go well, and that we’ll have a neat autumn with good friends and more fun. Take care, and I’ll do the same…look for my next post on Thursday.

And thanks. Before we even know what’s next. You've all been wonderful, all summer long.