Significant moments

Here we are, at the 20th anniversary of Field of Dreams. I can remember sitting in a theater in Orange County, on a business trip with nothing to do at night, wondering if I was the only guy in the theater crying. WP Kinsella’s book came to life, and ever time little Karin explains that “people will come, Daddy” I think back to the six year old in my home, poring over box scores and attending to the scorebook at Oakland/Alameda County Coliseum.

For all the quotes about baseball, for all the cute comments about Moonlight Graham getting one last chance—or for a father and son playing catch, one of the comments that strikes me the deepest is, “We just don’t recognize the most significant moments in our lives…” Terrence Mann has to remind Ray Kinsella, as they try to define the manner in which they will “go the distance.”

Today, I was prepared for two options. I was ready to hear a great report, and knew that I’d be able to “go the distance” in order to attain many more significant moments. If negative, I was also prepared to see that once I crossed the baseline, I wouldn’t be able to go back, just like Doc Graham. I’d make my way through the medical issues, challenges and possible defeats of a really bad report.

I was not prepared, mentally, for “gee, it is about the same.” The diagnostics indicate that nothing has gotten bigger, nothing has disappeared. You may remember that this is the same sort of result thing we learned about a year ago, before the liver lesions mysteriously disappeared for the summer. So I suppose I should measure this as a significant moment, and remember that there are continued options, we can continue to TCTFO, and get myself back in the game at work.

I’d be lying if I said it was easy to do that. I feel as though I carry a huge weight around. I keep telling my body to do good things, and it responds however it wants. I try to keep my attitude up, because some believe that attitude improves cancer outcomes (not proven in the literature, but a good approach nonetheless). I try to get exercise, manage my workload, demonstrate flexibility in my approach to the solutions suggested by my oncology team.

The good news is that I’m surrounded by people who make the game so much fun. “Ty Cobb wanted to play, but none of us could stand the SOB when he was alive, so we told him no…” It is almost impossible to get through a work day without someone calling to check in, sending me a funny joke, or adding some caring thoughts to their “business email.” I appreciate it, and do my best not to think about the time it distracts from work. If The Doctors Company doesn’t like it, they can turn me into a non-exempt employee.

Thanks, then…for going the distance. I have no idea what Terrence Mann may find in the corn patch beyond left field, and that’s as curious for me as we plan ahead. Currently, the plan is for 2-3 more targeted infusion sessions, likely in March and April, and we’ll see what’s happened with the “Fields of Lesions” by then. For now, let’s just head to spring training, vacations, and baseball season with loving anticipation and trust. Annie trusted that idiot husband of hers when he plowed up the cornfield, we can certainly trust each other.

Meanwhile, two important family efforts can be monitored via blogs, too. Check out Lizzy's run for the Foundation at her blog...http://www.lizdepriest.blogspot.com/

and Nate is making a run for Portland, weather permitting...here:
http://nate-thejourney.blogspot.com/

Mark

Do we have a tee time?

I'm not good at waiting to take the tee box. Thursday is the MRI, Friday morning the CT and PET scan. Diagnostics take forever, then we talk with my oncologist Tuesday. Does this stuff ever seem to move quickly? Can we ever know the results in advance? Anyone ever go out for water polo and tread water for 20 minutes straight?

Not a lot of good news while we're waiting. I won't rain on everyone's parade with the news, but if you want to know more just holler. For now, Markyboy is waiting for a tee time, learning what will happen next, and deciding that we're really lucky at this stage

More on Tuesday when I visit with the oncologist for the results....

Barkley or Rodman?

Nate reminds me that rebounders have long and storied careers, because they can become “efficient.” They waste less effort than scorers, and they never wear themselves out quite like point guards trying to defend. They just set themselves along the lane, awaiting the right time to pounce. It helps to have sharp elbows and persistence.

This weekend, I’m rebounding. We’re hoping that this third targeted chemotherapy session will be the last for awhile. It hasn’t been as difficult as the second, nor as simple as the first. With the delightful assistance of Ms. Jillian, the time has gone quite quickly…though there were moments when I was simply waiting to pounce on the demons. It is an odd combination, knowing that eating is important to the recovery process, but fearing the gastro-intestinal upset that comes with an early meal. When hydrating, carbonation is important, but then one is left needing to sleep sitting up…and needing to sleep.

I got a lot of sleep accomplished today, being persistent. I’ve become efficient in my search for sleep. When I’m tired, I simply lie down. When I need a nap, I cover up and take one. It gets pretty selfish, clearly, but accomplishes the goal. Unfortunately, it can keep me up at odd hours.

For now, I’ll continue to park alongside the lane, and continue to rebound. Phone calls from friends are a delight…though I’m sure it is hard for them to understand how I might not answer at normal hours and then they find out I was up really late.

Let’s hope your year includes some offensive rebounds. The kind that take advantage of the opposition and give you the chance for additional positive results. As a defensive rebound specialist, I’m looking for that quick outlet pass to start the fast break, and a way to get OVER this current hurdle. Diagnostic tests at the end of the month will show us how the sessions have gone, and whether I was successful at hitting the open man breaking to midcourt. Thanks, so much, for coming along to watch the game. Playing to an empty gym is no fun at all.

The Birthday Boy!

I’m very grateful when birthdays roll around. We get to share good times with good friends, with the bonus that the kids are here from Baltimore to help me celebrate….after showing Victoria a good time in Vegas for her big birthday last weekend. It is hard to avoid the thoughts that come with “diagnostics later this month” but for a few hours every day I’m able to slide them behind a screen and forget about it.

Nate, Billy, Liz and Vickie really DID have a nice time. As it turns out, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” was coined prior to the invention of the digital camera or Facebook networking. Nearly the minute they returned, pictures appeared online. If she was going to share pictures with the world, she at least had to let me look. So bright and fresh. So eager for the next step. Hard for anyone to know that all four of them carry burdens that their Daddy shares, helping to lighten his load, because each of them is so strong for the other.

We’ve had wild weather, right on cue. Snow for Christmas, stopping work and giving extra vacation days. Last night it rained a couple of inches. Not much for many, but we Oregonians prefer ours in little doses over time—not all at once. The holidays have been very relaxing, but also emotional. Nobody loves Christmas quite like I do, yet I worry that I dampen the celebrations of others when they say things like “you look really well” instead of “Merry Christmas.” Sometimes, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to look like. I guess I’m more normal than people ever gave me credit for, and given my other more humorous abnormalities they presume I must have something to show for all the medical intervention I’ve received. I’ve learned to simply say “Thank you” and “Merry Christmas”….to get them back on track!

Another week to go before the last of the targeted infusions. We’ll see how I recover this time, since the last one wasn’t pleasant. Then, we do the diagnostics at the end of the month. Whatever the results, Jillian and I head to Cabo San Lucas for a week in early February to share time with friends and make plans for the future. With the weather we’ve had, it can’t come quickly enough.

And in the meantime, between doctor visits and vacation plans…we need to kick off the year with some good work and solid production with physician clients.

Happy Birthday to YOU…all of YOU look really well, too, and I love smiling at you whenever we get the chance to say hello…